May 5, 2021

“You’ve always been a calculated risk taker”

When my friend @l_hayes said that to me, I don’t think she was referring to doing backbends on ledges in the middle of Rome. However this expresses that sentiment perfectly.

And so, a few thoughts on risks and the past 14 months of my life. We’ve all had major changes this last year. Some tragic, some transformative and a whole lot have been a bit of both. Last May, I was coming to terms with no tourism for summer 2020. I hadn’t quite accepted it, but I was getting there. I made a (life changing) decision: I was going to enjoy summer! I was going to dip into my savings and I was going to trust it would be okay. It was a risk, but it was worth it. I told myself that in the fall everything would return to “normal”. I made the most of Italy and my (accidental) freedom. It was glorious. I got to experience something I’d seen but never lived: l’estate italiana.

The risk paid off, or it feels like that’s what’s happening, slowly. To be fair- nothing has returned to ‘normal’. The 8+ months have been spent in some form of lockdown or another in Italy. Its been over a year since I’ve hugged my parents. It’s been hard and complex and beautiful all at once. It’s been a time of rest and reflection. Of appreciating the little things. It certainly hasn’t involved a ton of risk. Instead there’s been a whole lot of planting seeds for the future. I am unraveling into the next incarnation of me, and I’m excited and trusting of what the future will bring.

I’ve been extremely fortunate, blessed, lucky, charmed. I had very few choices but to accept reality. I became a yoga teacher, became a writer, said yes to opportunities as they presented themselves— its allowed me a pretty easy transition into becoming all the things I was scared to become before.

The uncertainty that the pandemic has brought is still present. It still exists. There are still calculated risks to take, but I feel more at ease as I take them. I’m trusting the process like I trusted this ledge. So, what does risk taking look like for you?