September 1, 2022

Mmm. So. This is my story in three parts. See previous post for 1st part— 💛💛

Pt. 2/3

It’s 2020. My entire reality shifts, just like the rest of the globe.

I commit to her, to my body, in a more full-time way.

My commitment is aesthetic: I want to *look* good. I begin by posting more on Instagram. Me in a bikini. Me, in general.

Feeling more comfortable being seen.

I start to receive attention, (wanted and unwanted) from the big wide world of social media. It feels good/strange/related to my own shit/related to all my shifts.

I remind myself, again and again, to talk to myself like I’m someone I love. I look at my naked body in the mirror and I imagine how I’d feel if the negative dialogue came from someone else.

Awful, obviously. So I treat her better. I listen more. I move more freely. I dance a lot more.

I do yoga that’s tough and I do yoga that’s rolling around on the floor in a melt-y puddle.

I lead my first retreat.

It’s 2021. I choose a word for the year: Embodiment.

I lead wellness retreats, I lead women’s circles, I begin a body-oriented coaching course.

I read books and attend online seminars. I devour everything I can: somatics, trauma-informed yoga, epigenetics, coaching, bodies, bodies, bodies.

Slowly but surely I start to piece together the elements of a life I had previously only dreamed of.

With the luxury of time, I am able to educate myself and enter my own body more fully.

I eat with intention instead of to punish myself.

I’m a little more free. I try to keep coming back, keep coming back to my body.

I watch as the world around me embraces more freedom in bodies; movements spring up everywhere— body positive, body neutral, women posting pictures of how they really look without photoshop start filling my social media feed.

Living in our bodies is a process that once we ‘get it’ it doesn’t go away.

It’s not linear but once you arrive, it doesn’t go anywhere.

It shows up in how we walk, how we talk, how we engage with other people, how we make love. It comes up when we’re by ourselves, dancing naked.

I re-wire familiar thought patterns, I steer myself always towards acceptance.

{to be continued}